These are just me and my wandering words, my wandering thoughts, this is where I will share my most secret thoughts and desires. This is an outlet for me to say things I really feel, things that really need to be said but I just can't bring myself to say aloud. This is for me, not you. But if you would like to follow me go right ahead. :)
You never check this. You will probably never check this again.
For the first time I am writing on this secret tumblr not as your lover, not as someone who longs for you or needs you. But as someone who could have been a really great friend to you. If it wasn’t for it all.
How are you? I hope you are doing okay. I hope you are happy. To be honest, when I came to your house to watch Mumford & Sons, you seemed sad. You looked really sad. Maybe it was because I was there. Maybe you regretted having me over. Maybe you were just sad… Maybe that was why you texted me? And I wanted to ask if you were okay, though, if you weren’t, you wouldn’t have told me.
I’m happy. I’m really happy and for some reason despite it all, I wish we were just friends so I could talk about my life with you, and how good it is going. How good it feels to be alive. How good it feels to hold his hand. And to laugh with her. To sit in my house, listening to music, under my string lights. Life is good. And I wonder if it is for you. If your parents are still fighting… How you are dealing with it. Probably putting on that strong stubborn Alex face and pretending you aren’t phased by it.
I want to say thank you for that text. It threw my off guard. I literally started stuttering. But it was nice. It was good to hear you thank me. It was good of you not to blow me off. You are doing good. Not that you need my approval.
I have let go of my anger. I am just so, positive now. Everything is so easy. For everyone I know. And I hope that some of that easy is rubbing off in your life.
Maybe one day we will talk. I can tell you about these awesome books, and all these new things I have learned. You’re a good kid. You’ll be nestled somewhere in my heart as the cool ass kid that I could have been great friends with.
